Sexual Abuse of Young Children in Foster Care

May 16, 2012 at 6:01 am , by Nicole Dorsey

Faithful reader of The Adoption Diaries, reader Amy was absolutely horrified by this post we ran last month about a new foster-adoptive single father who not only raped his three new adopted children (ages 9 – 13 boys and girls), but he prostituted the kids out to his friends as well. This article made many of you physically ill. Me too.

So Amy then did more digging for me on credible instances where older children in an adoptive (or foster) family do abuse the younger children in the home, whether those younger children are, in fact,  biological children or other, younger foster kids.

Amy said she found a research paper from 2003 about how up to half of all child abuse in foster care situations is performed by older kids who’ve seen far too much trouble in foster care. She said, “Up to 50 percent of those who sexually abuse children are under the age of 18 themselves.”

– Hunter, J.A., Figueredo, A., Malamuth, N.M., & Becker, J.V. (2003). Juvenile sex offenders: Toward the Development of a typology. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, (2003) Volume 15, No. 1.

When the Sexual Predator is Another Child

It is terrible that sex abuse at home occurred when an older new foster brother (a teenager) was brought into the foster parents home and he ended up sexually molesting their 9-year-old. Ugh. While it is commendable that a family would foster a 17-year-old male who lives with younger children (boys or girls), it raises questions too.

Amy said to me, “I have to wonder what they were thinking.  And, what was the private adoption agency thinking? Did they not know that a 9-year-old biological daughter was in that house?

This happens not only with a non-family foster placement, but also with bio-related children being placed with family members who have young children.  The most recent case I heard was of a 7 -year-old sexually assaulting his 5-year-old cousin.”

Amy said, “I think that in the foster care system,  any foster parent, whether bio-related or not, should have an idea of the history of the child being placed and the potential risk. Some children should simply not be placed in a house with other children. And I think you need to be just as wary about older children who can gain access to children via the parents running an in-home daycare.”

Ditto, Amy, thanks for sharing on The Adoption Diaries. Does anyone know a great story about a healthy mixing of bio kids and foster children? I’d love to hear it!

Mother’s Day Gifts: Over-40 Mom Adopts from Thailand

May 14, 2012 at 6:06 am , by Nicole Dorsey

Mom blogger and London-based writer Carole Turner-Record told me how she adopted from Thailand when she was 41 years old. At the time of the adoption, Carole already had one biological son, who was 14.

She said, “Emma was already 21 months when the international adoption became final, and my son was 14. Because Brian was so much older there was no sibling rivalry ever; they adored each other from the beginning.”

There was so little written emotionally and honestly about the process back then, that Carole wrote a book about her adoption experience (McBooks Press 1999). Available on Amazon, her case study of different adoptions back them read like a detective novel.  Carole said, “These stories are interviews with real people who chose adoption and they are still completely relevant today.  The only difference is that cell phones were not around and people had to stay at home to wait for phone calls  — this added a certain amount more tension to the process.”

Carole said, “I wrote the book because I have a biological son and an adopted daughter and I wanted people to understand that you love them equally.  I also wanted people to witness the journeys taken by parents who created their families through adoption. The biggest challenge was the snail pace of Thai bureaucracy during those years.

We chose to adopt from Thailand because we became friendly with a business colleague of my husband’s who had adopted twin girls from Thailand.  We were in a second marriage and hadn’t planned to have a child together, but fell under the spell of those twin girls!

The best part of adoption was realizing that I loved both of my children absolutely equal. Today, I  am just as proud of Emma’s accomplishments as I am of Brian’s. That was the main reason why I decided to write my book, and why I blog about adoption still. I wanted potential adoptive parents to know that you could love an adopted child just the same as you could love a birth child.  I think that message comes across  loud and clear.”

Thanks for reading The Adoption Diaries on Parents.com, and offering up your story. Tell me all about your story right here in Comments!

Throw a Happy Mother’s Day “Adoption” Party

May 11, 2012 at 6:07 am , by Nicole Dorsey

Believe it or not, parents, but there are between 80,000 and 85,000 chemicals are in use in the environment in United States, yet only about 200 of these chemicals have been tested for safety. It can be overwhelming for new mothers, or newly adoptive mothers, to try to figure out what toxic chemicals they should be concerned about, where they might be lurking, and what the safe alternatives are.

The national nonprofit Women’s Voices for the Earth will launch their “Green Momma Party Guide” on May 11 to help new mothers “green” their house and reduce their infant or toddler’s exposure to toxics in conventional products. Instead of trying to tackle a green house detox by themselves, though, the Green Momma Party Guide makes it fun by giving tips and recipes. The recipes have been tested by real parents, and are verified by scientific experts to be great non-toxic alternatives to everyday offerings.

Green Momma Party Guide has everything busy moms need to host a great party:
·         Suggested party agenda
·         Discussion guide for the host to keep the conversation flowing
·         Room-by-room guide of hidden hazards and practical solutions
·         Non-Toxic shopping guide
·         No party is complete without clean food and drinks! Help your guests defend against toxins with smarter food choices.

Women’s Voices for the Earth believes that all baby products should be safe and non-toxic, which is why the kit also includes Five Take-Action Tips for Busy Mommas, including ways to influence corporations and the government leaders to help convince them to make products safer for everyone. Happy Mother’s Day to everyone, celebrate like crazy.

Happy Mother’s Day to Me and You

May 9, 2012 at 6:02 am , by Nicole Dorsey

This is a bittersweet holiday for prospective parents who’ve been counting the days, weeks and months before an adoption becomes final and you have a little one in your house. In our house, we already have our jubilant bio son, Sam, and two rescue dogs we’ve adopted with full hearts, through the years.

Of course what we were really counting on in 2012 has not happened yet — an international adoption of an Indian daughter who is a toddler. To initiate the international Home Study, we need to spend about $15,000 with the agency highly recommended who specializes in international adoptions in India. We are still scraping adequate cash together, and weighing our adoption options.

It feels like we have to buy a baby if we go international…

Another option is to still move forward with a much less expensive foster care program in LA County, where we can foster to adopt someday. But we attended several foster care sessions and my husband and I were terrified by some of the scary stats pn child abuse, family disruptions, emotional problems with so many toddlers in the foster care system. So we sort of put ourselves on adoption hold at the end of this year.

Still, come Mother’s Day, I celebrate every second I have with my now 6-year-old Sam. I’ve been lucky to be healthy and pregnant, I felt blessed to have experienced such an easy labor and delivery, and my son has barely been sick a day in his life. Sam (shown here with me as a baby, my adorable smart sweet baby!) is the best thing that ever happened to me. I know, you too.

But we’re hoping by next Mother’s Day, we may have another baby to celebrate. She will have dark skin, and jet-black hair and I look forward to meeting her before too long. As soon as we think we can afford to start, we’ll get into this international Home Study and start an expensive international adoption. Until then, tell me your inspiring adoption or Mother’s Day story here!

Secret, Closed Adoptions are in the Painful Past, Thankfully

May 7, 2012 at 6:01 am , by Nicole Dorsey

A great research paper was announced this March by authors Deborah H. Siegel, Ph.D. and Susan Livingston Smith, LCSW. Published online, the study is also available for prospective adoptive parents and other adults. This cutting-edge report shows how stigmatized and afraid birth mothers were even two decades ago, when adoption was shrouded in so much secrecy that adoptive families knew nothing about each other or the child.

Our new reality today is that a large majority (well over two-thirds) have either a partial open adoption or a fully open adoption where birth families and adoptive families stay in touch through the years.

•    “Closed” infant adoptions have shrunk to a tiny minority (about 5 percent), with 40 percent “mediated” and 55 percent “open.” In addition, 95 percent of agencies now offer open adoptions.
•    In the overwhelming majority of infant adoptions, adoptive parents and expectant parents considering adoption meet, and the expectant parents pick the new family for their baby.
•    Women who have placed their infants for adoption – and then have ongoing contact with their children – report less grief, regret and worry, as well as more peace of mind.

“The good news is that adoption in our country is traveling a road toward greater openness and honesty,” said Adam Pertman, Executive Director of the Adoption Institute. His recommendations include counseling and training for all the parents involved (expectant and adoptive), as well as post-placement services.”

While my family is still considering an international adoption with a n agency, we have not totally ruled out a private, open adoption…we just cannot afford it yet. Tell me your happy Mother’s Day story here on adoption.