Thank You and Gratitude

February 21, 2012 at 2:37 pm , by Allison Winn Scotch

So, today is my last day and last post here on The Balance Sheet. Over the past nine months, I have had such a blast – and learned so much and felt so supported – by all of you and the Parents community – as I wrote about my trials, tribulations and truly wonderful moments with DC and AM. You’ve heard about the complications that come with being a working parent, as well as the complications that can come with raising kids in today’s ever-changing world.

And now, as with all things in my life, I have to continue to strive to find more balance. Over the past year, I’ve gotten a little shaky at prioritizing (again, something we’ve chatted about here!), so I’m attempting to do this by setting aside other projects and giving more attention to my true love – fiction, and starting on my next book. I had such a difficult time coming to this decision to step away from The Balance Sheet, but as you guys know, as a working mom, you have to know when to say when, and given the dark circles under my eyes, this was my “when.”

I have truly had such an incredible experience here, and I appreciate the time that you guys took every day to read this blog and to weigh in with your comments, tweets, and Facebook posts. I am still around to chat parenting and life and balance…please come find me on Twitter or Facebook, and if you want an inside scoop on that aforementioned true love, I won’t complain if you want to pick up my new book, THE SONG REMAINS THE SAME, when it’s released in April!

Hug your kids tight, try to take some time for yourself, and remember that this parenting thing is complicated and wonderful and that we are all doing the best we can. Your kids love you and know that, and all you can ask of yourself is to honor that – and honor your own self – and then everything will turn out fine. (At least that’s my story for now. Talk to me when the kids are 18!)

Thanks again. I’ve loved it.

Six Questions With Drew Brees

February 16, 2012 at 8:50 am , by Allison Winn Scotch

I am wrapping up my celebrity interview series (and this blog…more on that later), and I can’t think of a better way to finish up than with New Orleans Saints quarterback, Drew Brees. Over this past year, I have had some amazing, amazing celebrity parents on this site, and for me, Drew is the epitome of all of them. His dedication to his sport, his team, his charity and his children (did you see the adorable Vicks commercials he did with his son, Baylen, during the playoffs? I looked forward to them every time they came on!) is an example of what a lot of us aspire to. And in fact, when I interviewed him, I made a point to mention how much of a role model he is for DC, and how happy I was that DC had chosen someone so fantastic to admire.

When he’s not on the field for the Saints, he and his wife run the Brees Dream Foundation, which has, to date, raised over eleven million dollars for charity. ELEVEN MILLION. I stand in awe of that dedication. And of course, he’s busy keeping up with his two sons, Baylen and Bowen.

Here, Drew answers my six questions, honestly and with heart. I wouldn’t expect anything less! To stay in the loop with all things Drew is doing, don’t forget to follow him on Twitter too.

1) This is a column about balance in parenting. I’ve learned balance by saying no (to outside distractions), saying yes (to my kids when I can and when reasonable!), and trying not to be perfect. You¹re a busy working (and traveling) dad: how have you found balance between your home and work life?
Being a professional football player is definitely time consuming and there are weeks during the season when I’m not home for days at a time. Luckily, I have an amazing wife and family who are loving, supportive, understanding, and proud of what I do. I think finding balance between your home and work life starts with knowing which one is a priority for you. I love my job, but I never forget priority number one is being a father to a loving family I cherish more than anything.

2) What’s the most important thing that your own parents taught you?
The more I look back on my parents, the more I believe the one lesson they were trying to teach me was resilience. Life isn’t always easy – the same goes for parenting – but things happen for a reason and if you refuse to give up, you’ll make it out better and stronger in the end.

3) What’s the biggest lesson that your sons have taught you?
Enjoy the simple things in life. Watching them enjoy everything for what it is makes you remember that life is meant to be enjoyed with the people you love, and doing the things that make you smile and laugh.

4) Together with your wife, you founded the Brees Dream Foundation which has raised over eleven million dollars for various causes. Why was it so important for you to give back, and do you have any advice for parents who would like to get involved in charity but aren’t sure where to begin?
The charity is a calling for us – something we want to do and were meant to do. I take pride in everything I do on the field, but I’m even prouder of the work our charity does to make a difference in the lives of kids that otherwise wouldn’t have access to certain opportunities. My advice to parents looking to volunteer or start their own charity would be to start small and choose a charity close to their heart. You can find lots of local and national charities online or by contacting your township. And if you live near New Orleans, we’d love to have you as a part of the Brees Dream Foundation.

5) Both in football and in life, you seem to set a standard of excellence. How are you passing this along to your kids?
They’re pretty awesome on their own right now, but it’s up to Brittany and me to ensure they continue to grow up as fine young men. Together we plan on instilling the values we hold dearest – love, respect and courage – and make sure they learn them in practice as they get older.

6) What’s your favorite way to pass time with your family in the off-season?
We love walking to the park, visiting the zoo, and mostly our family concerts. It seems that music is always being played by someone in the house, especially Baylen.

 

Six Questions With Ed Burns

February 14, 2012 at 7:35 am , by Allison Winn Scotch

Happy Valentine’s Day, guys!

Or, in my house, happy Tuesday!

No, seriously, today may be a Hallmark holiday, but it’s also a great excuse to reach out and tell those you love just how much you love them. Or just spend quality time together, which in today’s world, is something that we all fall short on. It’s also the perfect night to stay in, snuggle on the couch and watch Ed Burns‘s newest film, NEWLYWEDS. Seriously. I’m not just saying that because he happens to be here today! It’s a great movie (available On Demand and on iTunes) that explores the complexity that love, marriage and family can bring, and if you’re reading this blog, I know that you understand all of those very complexities. What do you do when your extended family impacts your nuclear family? How do you manage people and expectations and love? Issues that we’ve definitely delved into here.

When Ed’s not busy encouraging independent film-making and acting in other movies and TV shows (upcoming on his slate include the big-screen version of James Patterson’s ALEX CROSS), he’s equally busy as a dad to his two elementary-school-aged kids. So, just like the rest of us, he tweaks his schedule, juggles his time and figures out a way to make it work.

Also, as you’ll see from his answers, Ed is really great at engaging with his fans and followers on Twitter, so be sure to click over and follow him. But only after you’ve downloaded the movie. And after, as Ed does in his household, you’ve spent a little quality time reading with the kids. I love his nightly ritual, and we share the same ritual in our own house. Raising readers is a bit of a lost art these days, and I’m a big fan of anyone who still cares about books. (As I personally know that Ed does. Hurrah!)

(FYI, I’ve also featured Ed’s wife, Christy Turlington, on the blog. Click here if you missed it.)

1) This is a column about balance in parenting. I’ve learned balance by saying no (to outside distractions), saying yes (to my kids when I can and when reasonable!), and trying not to be perfect. You’re a busy working dad: how have you found balance between your home and work life?
For me, as a parent, one of the most important pieces in balancing work and home life is simply to not take work home. I really make a point of being available and active with my family as soon as I walk through the door. I think it’s healthy to put the phone away and spend real quality time without the interruption of email, texts and phone calls.

2)What’s the most important thing that your own parents taught you?
Find something that you love to do and figure out a way to get paid doing it and you’ll never work a day in your life.

3) What’s the most important thing that your kids have taught you?
To be in the moment.

4)Your newest movie is about the intricacies of marriage and family. Where did you find your inspiration for the concept?
I never pull from my personal life or own experiences but draw instead from the world around me. So the characters in NEWLYWEDS were drawn less from my life and more from observation. Twitter played a large role in the development process of the film. I would often tweet questions to my followers and a lot of their responses were helpful in shaping parts of the story.

5) Did you learn anything about marriage and family through the process of making it? Is there a universal message that you’re hearing from fans about having a lasting and happy marriage?
Again, through twitter and by asking questions about issues that rise in marriage and relationships, I learned that it’s very common for couples to find difficulty with their relatives and in-laws. I was surprised with how prevalent a challenge navigating extended family can be… Communication is certainly a key component in any relationship. It’s also important to not let things fester. A lot of what I learned through this process can really be credited to my twitter followers and their openness in sharing their stories.

6) Your wife is also a busy working parent. Do you have any rituals or activities that you do with the kids solo – daddy and me-time?
One ritual is reading to the kids at night – every night. It’s something that we as parents look forward to as much as our kids. While we both tend to travel often, we work out our schedules (sometimes down to the hour) so that one of us is always home for reading and bedtime.

On Joy

February 9, 2012 at 12:20 pm , by Allison Winn Scotch

So I was reading one of those anonymous mommy-message boards a few days ago and a post has stuck with me. The poster said that she was so sad because she was raising her children in a joyless household, and she didn’t know what to do to turn things around, that her kids were destined to repeat her own unhappy childhood.

Days later, I’m still thinking about her words, how sad they made me for both her and her kids. (And I say that with no condescension at all. Parenting is hard, and I can see how it would be easy to lose your way, caught in patterns of your old childhood or caught in marital problems that you pass along to your kids.)

And I guess her post resonated so much with me because I think – as I said many, many moons ago here, in my first or second post – how important happiness is to me as a mother and how I can’t help but think that in today’s world of bigger, faster, stronger!, we lose track of that sometimes. And our kids suffer for it. (Again, this is not said in any judgment of the mother who posted…obviously, she was wrestling with much bigger issues than just trying to axe some of our societal competition out of her world.) Part of what I love most about being a mother is the silliness that comes along with it, and the joy that this brings to everyone in my family. I look back on my own childhood, and I have nothing but mostly happy memories. Not because my parents didn’t have high expectations of me – they did (I will never forget how angry my dad was when I pulled in a C+ in my freshman year bio class!), but they also allowed me to just…be a kid. Have fun. Ride my bike with the neighbors, put on a full-scale version of Annie (complete with the wig) in our living room. (What can I say? I was obsessed with Andrea McArdle.) And now that I’m a parent myself, I can really appreciate my parents’ own balancing act between joy and discipline.

Anyway.

I’m not even sure that this post has a point. Other than to say that parenting is hard. So too, sometimes is childhood. I find that in my own household, when I loosen up and just let the kids crack me up and crack each other up, that we’re all the better off five minutes later. As a culture these days, we don’t often stop to think about joy – and its importance – but it is. It is important. Just as important as so many other things that we stress these days: academics, sports, etc.

I truly hope that when my kids are older, they’ll be filled with the same joy that they have now. If that holds, I’ll consider my job as a parent a success.

Are You Working Too Much?

February 7, 2012 at 8:29 am , by Allison Winn Scotch

Today’s post comes from a question my friend, Kayt Sukel, posed to me on Twitter: how do you know or how does your child let you know that you’re working too much? Which is an ever-present balance/problem that many working parents face today. I surveyed everyone on Twitter to get some great responses. In our house, I know that I’m too distracted when my kids complain that I’m on my phone too much or when they have to repeat their questions to me more than once. (You know: “Mom, mom, mom? MOM? MOOOOOOOOM?) When that happens, I purposely put the phone down, away from me, and give them my undivided attention.

Here are some other thoughts:

From @LisaRomeo: He mimics me – and then when I tell him to get off the computer, he says, “but you’re on the computer all the time.” (Good one!)

From @rlbrewer: When the child would rather spend time with another adult than you. (Ugh, stake through the heart!) 

From @kaytsukel: When he gets into bed with me. (Aw, that’s cute. I’m sorry but I’d like that!)

From @suzannelilly: Mine has turned the screen off. That’s a teen for you.

From @brendajanowitz: My toddler grabs my iPhone and puts it back into my diaper bag! “No phone!” he tells me as he puts it away.

From @tcausley: When your 8yo has been talking non-stop about that morning you volunteered in his class…2 years ago. #momworkstoomuch

From @jeannieinOhio: I once came home from work and my son said, “I remember you. Didn’t you use to live here?” Started looking for new job the next day.

From @MatthewDicks: She grabs my hand and pulls me away from the computer. “Stop writing your book, Daddy.”

So what about you guys? What is the sure sign in your household that you’re working too much?