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Occasional Contributor
livsysjd
Posts: 11
Registered: ‎12-04-2013

Re: The "talk"...

Jennifer, I totally understand what you're saying.  One way of looking at it, is that you're not taking away anything from your ds as a child.  He will still be a kid, doing all of this normal stuff.  Most 10 year olds are actually not interested in sex or even developmentally sexual.  Girls still have cooties in many cases.  It's about education ( although not teaching through fear).  As parents we won't over-' sexualize' our children by giving correct educational information. Studies show that, by raising children with the correct information, answering their questions when asked ( instead of changing the subject), creating an environement to where the child feels he/she can talk and providing age appropriate information actually delays a child's first time experiance.  What a parent is really doing is educating their child about their body and procreatiion. If a parent can take a more academic view of this whole process, it makes it so much easier.  Imagine if a child had a human anatomy teacher as a parent.  Or a child had a parent who was a dr. that specialized in std's.  Or a child who's parent was a fertility/reproduction specialist. I would think these conversations would naturally come up in the home.  I would think some of these people would enjoy sharing information/edcuation with their children.  There is nothing sexual about education.  That's how I really look at it all.  Education takes a lot of the being curious and needing to look elsewhere ( which many times ends up being inappropriate) for information.  I do believe teaching kids about sex and their bodies, before hititng puberty and all the natrual hormones that kick in, is best. Teens are very different when all their hormones kick.  These conversations take on a whole new face and meaning compared to when a child has been educated in the younger years.  You also get very different questions from a 10 year old compared to a 14 or 15 year old. 2 very different worlds. The older they are the less they want to talk as well, no matter how educational you try to be.  They are easily embarrassed compared to when younger and sex really does have a whole new meaning, and their bodies biologically know it and feel it at that older age. Bottom line is the more educated a child is, the more confident he becomes, the longer he will wait ( typically), the less likey they are to enage in risky behavior and the less likely they are to a pregnant teen.  Of course having a loving, involved supporitve and close family plays a big wonderful role as well. =)

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Moderator
ModChristine
Posts: 825
Registered: ‎05-24-2013

Re: The "talk"...

Thank you all for sharing.  I'm reading all of your posts.  It's great to hear how other parents handle this.

~ Christine ~
Mom to a sweet little girl and 2 busy boys
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Contributor
VLCenter
Posts: 35
Registered: ‎11-13-2013

Re: The "talk"...

Hey Christine

 

I think such stories are quiet important for kids as they help in developing imagination power of kids. They do have a profound effect on the child psychology as well. The very sense of love of kid towards pets and little animals starts developing ones you engage them with such stories. They start developing feeling of love and care to such cute animals. So i would say instead pf avoiding it, go for it.

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Occasional Visitor
xaniey
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-28-2014

Re: The "talk"...

Our hand was forced with our 8yr old this past summer. He has a couple of boys he plays with who live down the street. They are twins and he has been in school with them since K. He was there one day and one of them looked up porn on the Internet. They have a teenage sister and apparently overhead one of her boyfriends talking about porn. Anyway, they watched multiple videos. He hasn't been allowed at their house since because of the obvious lack of supervision. But obviously this forced us to discuss it. It has been nothing but a problem since. We sat him down and explained how babies are made and about why it's important to wait til you are in a commuted relationship. He thinks its something to joke about. In no way was he mature enough for this talk. We told him he can ask any questions and most of his questions are the same ones over and over and we have gotten to the point where we won't answer the same thing anymore. He has talked about it in front of relatives, even after being told that it is not appropriate to talk about it to everyone. Obviously his grandparents don't want to hear him explain things like that. He is slowly getting better about it but its still something he wants to discuss every day. We have told him not to ask questions when his 3yr old sister is around and he doesn't care. He will ask in front of anyone he wants or just make lewd comments. my advice is to wait if you don't feel they are ready.
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Visitor
graham072442
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-28-2014

Re: The "talk"...

If a child is old enough to ask a question, (s)he is old enough for an answer.The answer doesn't have to be in detail or elaborate; just give the briefest response and if that isn't enough to satisfy the child (s)he will ask another question.  The next question will give you a clue as to how much more to include in your next answer.  Keep on answering as long as the questions continue.  You will find, in fact, that if you DO make your first response long and involved, the child will generally become impatient and shut you down.

 

That said, my parents waited far too long for any talk.  When my brother was 9, back in the early '50s, he was called into the principal's office for "making dirty signs."  We were raised in a cocoon and had NO idea there were such things as the "middle finger salute," etc. and his innocent gesture (while picking his nose LOL) got him into hot water because our parents kept us ignorant.  There are MANY aspects to "the talk" and some of those discussions should take place as soon as your child enters the schools system.

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Occasional Visitor
erincarter
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎01-28-2014

Re: The "talk"...

Jennifer: I'm sure you are also the parents that other parents don't like and they probably also like your kids even less. Just because you don't like someone does not mean that their parents went wrong in raising them. There are a lot of factors that go into the reasons people connect or don't, and not everyone is going to like everyone else. And that's OK! Your response is judgemental and self indulgent. I also answer my children's questions about sexuality openly and honestly, but it doesn't make me a better parent that Christine because she hasn't had those questions yet. Just different. Maybe that's a lesson your boys need to learn while they discuss teleology.
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Occasional Contributor
debbie39012
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎02-06-2014

Re: The "talk"...

Now's the time.  My 9 year-old daughter seemed resistent to my attempts to talk to her, but I insisted we have the talk.  After we fininshed, I asked her if she had any questions.  She said, "Mom, I already know about this stuff!"  I asked her how she found out.  She said she called ASK A NURSE!  

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Occasional Contributor
MrsSKbearmom
Posts: 10
Registered: ‎03-06-2014

Re: The "talk"...

[ Edited ]

I know I am joining the party late, but this is an interesting and informative topic. I have a 5 1/2 yr old girl and a 2 1/2 yr old boy. I had my son a month before my daughter turned 3. She eventually asked how her brother got out and we simply told her that when mommy went to the hospital the doctors helped get her brother out. Since she has gotten older she has also asked how her brother got in my belly. I feel that sort of thing is not appropriate to discuss at her age and I told her that it was something I could tell her more about when she got older. She also has seen me buy and grab feminine products and asked what they are for and I told her it was something grown woman have to use sometimes and I would explain more to her when she was older. All of these answers have appeased her for now and I fully intend to explain everything at the age I think is appropriate. When she was around 3.5 or maybe 4, I spoke to her several times (to make sure it stuck) about what "private parts" were and that any area that was a private part (covered by underwear and her "ninnies") was only to be looked at or touched by a doctor when mom or dad was present or by mom or dad during bathing, dressing, or if she says something hurts or is itchy. She has never forgotten that lesson and I am happy I taught it to her.

 

Recently, I made the decison to teach both of my children the "techinal terms" of their genitals. The 2 yr old was able to pronounce his just fine, my daughter...well, it is a funny word and she has trouble remembering it. She also giggles and thinks "booty" is a funny word...but she's 5. The two have them have taken countless baths together and know that boys and girls are different. I have a friend who won't even let her daughters (4 & 2) see her change her infant son's diaper b/c she is not ready to have that conversation, which I think is a bit extreme, but, as we all are, she is entitled to her own opinions and ideas on how to raise her kids.

 

There was a quote in a book said by a father to his daughte rwhen she asked about something sexual she overheard that really struck a chord with me. I don't have the book on hand, however it was something along the lines of "See how heavy this suitcase is that I am carrying? It is too heavy for you as you are a child. This is why I carry it for you, because it is too heavy for you. Some knowledge is the same as this suitcase. Right now it is too heavy for you, so I will carry this knowledge for you until you are big enough to carry the burden youself."

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Regular Contributor
LaylasMommy1014
Posts: 232
Registered: ‎06-24-2013

Re: The "talk"...

I don't believe you should judge a parent based on something you saw that you judge as wrong! Everyone was taught differently, and so all of our opinions differ when it comes to "whats right and what's wrong", jennifer. If I was "Victorian" in my views (whatever the hell that even means!) I'd be pretty offended by your comments. Just saying.. I know we all have our opinions, but I almost felt like you were degrading Christine for her choices as a parent and thats not what this community is for. Just saying. This community is designed to help others, and uplift and help.. not make her feel bad for her decisions. I have left communities for that reason. Please, please, please reread your posts before posting and think about it those comments could be misconstrewed. :smileyhappy:

 

Christine: I believe you should let your heart do the deciding here. Every child is different. You can't say that all 8 year olds "need the talk" because some 8 year olds have no interest in it and aren't even mature enough to handle it. Then you have some 8 year olds who are wise and more mature for their years and who could handle that type of conversation. If you feel like your children are getting curious about sex or are hearing things, then maybe it is time to have a talk with them. You are the one who knows your children best. You could also give an age apropriate discussion for now, and in a few years, give a more detailed one.

My step son is 15, and his mom lives 5 hours away and we aren't sure if hes had the talk yet. We are having it this weekend. Im pretty sure by now hes figured out that sex can make a baby.. seeing as I just had his sister a year and a half ago and hes pretty smart. Honestly though hes been pretty sheletered most of his life and Im not sure having a talk when he was 9 would have been real effective.

My mom had the talk with me at 9, but then reiterated it again in more adult terms at 14. It stuck more at 14 than 9. Just saying.

♥ Brie ♥
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**Kasey.. 01/07/2003-12/24/2012. You were my heart, my soul, and my whole world, cancer may have taken you from me, but you'll never be forgotten. I have your pawprints forever on my heart.**
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Moderator
ModChristine
Posts: 825
Registered: ‎05-24-2013

Re: The "talk"...

[ Edited ]

Thank you Brie, I agree. :smileywink:

 

All children mature at different rates and some are ready to discuss things earlier than others.  I am proud of how I raise my children and have no regrets on talks that we have or have not have at this point in their lives. I will speak with my son very soon regarding this subject.  It will be an age appropriate discussion and we will revisit it as we need to.  I will encourage his questions so he can get accurate information from us and not just go on what he hears at school or on the school bus.

~ Christine ~
Mom to a sweet little girl and 2 busy boys
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