Okay ladies...I need some advice. I am a new mom to the sweetest little boy born September 1st. I know that it is always a difficult transition for parents but my husband and I are starting to have issues and I am not sure what to do. I find myself starting to wonder if it would be better if I were a single parent. I do not want my son (who is so mellow and relaxed) ending up a stressed out, on edge child because his parents are always fighting.
My husband doesn't understand why I am not sometimes not dressed and put together when he gets home from work. He makes me feel guilty for not working (even though my income was very small when I was working prior to maternity leave) and makes me feel like I am not contributing, even though I spend every day taking care of our son (breastfeeding every few hours), our home, etc. When my son is napping I clean the house, take care of our three pets, run errands, handle our finances/pay bills, prepare meals, try to make myself presentable and even attend new mom support groups a couple times a week in order to socialize our son. My husband does not help out around the house at all and even when he gets home from work doesn't offer to take our son or give me a break at all. He makes me feel like I do nothing. When I am upset he asks me what is wrong and when I tell him, he says, "It's no big deal."
Did you deal with these issues? If so...do you have any advice?
Big hugs! If you can, it may help to work with a marriage and family therapist. Your soon isn't very old at all and it's a really hard transition and you make it each time you have another baby too. this might sound really weird but your husband could be dealing with his own sort of post partum depression, however men aren't normally screened for depression or considered at risk for it like the mother is. However if his attitude toward you is atypical of what it was before baby, his apathy towards you, disinvolvement your son, etc.
I've had to deal with some of these issues in our relationship. What helps the must is I've found I have to specifically ask ahead of time if there is something I will need help with. For instance if I need him to watch the kids I let him know a free says ahead of time because of he doesn't know until the say of he gets upset. I honestly think he had a much harder time with it (becoming a dad) because he likes stability and planning ahead and everything on a tight schedule and clean and predictable and having kids messed that all up for us. It helps to have a list of what needs to be done for the day so there is something tangible for him to see with things crossed out. I have to specifically ask for his help with kids as well because he won't just step in and give me a break unless I let him know I'm at my wit's end even when it's super obvious. Sometimes we get into fights about me feeling he doesn't do enough and he has trouble seeing past the fact that even though he earns all the money for our family, my time should still be worth something and I need breaks too.